Blah Blah…and life!

I guess everyone goes through those up’s and down’s of life, the crests and the troughs so to speak, and things are far from dismal, and yet, at a professional level I feel rather “troughy’ at present. Maybe its the nature of the current position, being stuck in the middle, never really being able to just go ahead but first having to mediate (directly and/ or indirectly) amongst role players, which essentially alienates you (to some degree) from them cos you cannot be seen to be aligning directly with one, but must rather be seen to be ‘bringing the collective together’.

So the reason from my ‘downer’ is more a case of having a sense of ‘grey’ about where things are, and I’m not a ‘grey’ person, I like black or white, I’d rather take a decision and find out its wrong (and take in the experience) than be ‘forced’, due to circumstance to not take a decision at all. Where everything gets ‘mushy’, and one feels (from a mental and somewhat emotional sense) like you are wading through treacle… The problem is that the more you play the game like that the more nothing actually happens and things take on a tedium that is as frustrating as it is exhausting. So you see I realise that right now, I will not be able to keep all and sundry happy with the process and the outcomes, but how does one convey to a broader majority that the priority is a decent enough ‘something’ and not the perfect something… doubt that makes any sense but it’s how I feel, and I can see that there’s going to be a bit more darkness before the light, and the knowing of that weighs heavy on me, more so than normal because normally its just part of the job sometimes. But today it just feels tougher…


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